Rock Bottom
by DianneRose2016
Summary: Set in season 4. Spike gets out of the Initiative, but he doesn't go to Buffy. He had spent six weeks in the lab getting tortured on many levels. He goes to L.A where he quickly hits rock bottom. With nothing left to live for he begins to prostitute for money. Now six months later he is addicted to heroin and completely destroyed. Not even Angel can ignore Spike. Spangel story.
1. Chapter 1

_**Summary: This is going to be set during season 4 after Spike gets his chip. Instead of Spike going to Buffy once he finds out he has the chip he leaves and goes to L.A. The Initiative did more than just put a chip in Spike's head and he isn't able to come to terms with it. He goes to L.A so he can escape the Initiative and try to come to terms with what has happened to him. He spirals out of control though and is now working to streets. There's only so long he can be in L.A before Angel finds him and Angel isn't going to let Spike go without some answers.**_

 _ **WARNINGS: mentions of torture, sexual situations, swearing, drug abuse, mentions of violence and violence.**_

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Chapter 1

Spike stood there on the street corner waiting for another customer to pull up. He had been doing this for six months now ever since he left Sunnydale. He had just been able to escape the Initiative and he wasn't about to stay around to be captured again. He didn't know how long he had been in there until he got to L.A and saw what the date was. He had spent six weeks in that place and it felt like a lot longer to Spike. When he left the Initiative he went straight for his car and just drove. He didn't know where he was going, but he wanted a large city so he could just blend in and hide. He knew he couldn't stay in Sunnydale after everything that happened. He knew that the demon community currently hated him because of the things he was forced to do while he was captive. Spike knew he couldn't help it, but it didn't change the fact that he was now an outsider and he felt a lot of regret and guilt at the things he had to do. Spike couldn't even remember the last time he ever felt guilt or regret and it was a hard feeling to get used to, one that he wasn't really used to just yet.

When Spike arrived at L.A he wasn't planning on staying, but he was in a great deal of pain and he was really weak. He had barely eaten anything in those six weeks and when he did it was because he had no other choice. The blood was always drugged so it didn't give him any strength at all. They had made sure to keep him weak so he wouldn't be able to escape. It had taken him six weeks before he had been presented with an opportunity to escape and thankfully it was successful. When Spike arrived at L.A the first thing he did was break into the blood bank and stole some blood. He then went back to his car and drank some and tried to get some sleep. He knew he needed to do something and with him being desperate he did the one thing he could do. He sold the one thing he had to sell, his car. He sold it and with it he got himself a cheap run down motel room so he could try and get some rest and heal up. The problem was after only a month in L.A he didn't have any money left and he had nothing left to sell, but himself. That's how he ended up working the street corner and living out of a rundown motel room.

He was all skin and bones now. He was very thin and weak from not eating properly and from not enough rest. He was haunted by nightmares every time he closed his eyes so he stopped sleeping. He was feeling sick a lot from not eating enough and from a habit he picked up when he was held captive. Spike knew it would take a long time for him to die like this, but that didn't help the fact that he felt like shit all of the time and he was weak. He had a constant tremble to his body, but none of his customers minded. They just wanted a fuck and that was something Spike could do for them. They also loved that he was a vampire and couldn't get any diseases so they didn't have to wear protection. Spike knew he was an embarrassment and he was worth more than this, but he just couldn't get himself out of this situation. He couldn't bring himself to try. He knew he couldn't hurt a human, but he could hurt a demon. Yet he couldn't find it in himself to even go out and find a fight. He was just exhausted and he was done with life and his existence. He had lost his whole vampire family and now he was all alone on his own. Something he wasn't very good at. He hated being alone and feeling like no one even cared if he lived or died. He had always been like that ever since he was a little kid. He needed people in his life. He needed someone there to know that someone knew he existed. He didn't have that anymore and that was the hardest part he found. He was all alone with this pain and misery.

Spike stayed out until he felt the sun coming up. He headed back to his shitty motel room with a pocket of cash and something else. He got into his room and removed his duster. Underneath was just a black t-shirt and his black jeans. Spike pulled out the cash from his pocket. He had made three hundred that night, but he only had fifty bucks on him now. He had made a stop along the way to pick up something he needed. Spike pulled out the little baggies that he had bought and set them down on the rickety bedside table. He headed into the bathroom to shower first. He hated the feel and the smell that always came with sleeping with his customers. He hated doing this, but he just didn't know what else to do. He had nowhere else to go and he didn't have anyone that gave a damn about him. He was all alone in this world and with his problems. Spike scrubbed his skin red and raw to the point where it started to bleed. He didn't care he just wanted their scent off from him. Once he couldn't smell anything anymore he got out. He dried off and went out into the room and put on some black sleep pants and a clean black t-shirt. He went over and sat down on the bed and picked up one of the little baggies of heroin and poured the drug out onto the spoon. He picked up the spoon and lighter and began to turn the powder into a liquid. Once it was ready he filled the syringe and he turned his left arm over. He inserted the syringe into his vain and emptied the liquid. He took the syringe out and he closed his eyes as he slowly felt the warmth of the heroin making it's why through his system.

Spike put the syringe down on the bedside table before he laid back on the bed. He had never been one for drugs. He never touched the stuff. The only time he had ever been high was back in Woodstock when he drank from a hippie that was high. He never thought he would be addicted to drugs. He didn't even think a vampire could be addicted to drugs. Back in the Initiative they had begun injecting him with it. Spike was quickly addicted to it and now he saw no point in quitting. It helped to get him through the customers. It helped him to feel numb against the raging pain that filled his mind and chest. He wouldn't sleep, but he could at least feel numb for a few hours. Spike turned on the small TV and just let himself be numb, until he had to go back out there to make money.

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Wesley had been doing some research in the past couple of months. He had noticed that a lot of prostitutes had been going missing and turning up dead. They had all been violently beaten, raped and then finally strangled to death. Their bodies were dumped in allies and dumpsters. The police didn't have any leads and Wesley figured they might be able to help find the killer. Wesley gathered all of the articles and pictures he could find and put everything into a folder and headed into Angel's office. Angel looked up as Wesley walked in.

"Good evening Angel." Wesley said politely.

"Evening Wes. Cordelia in yet?"

"No not yet. She had a late dentist appointment. She should be in soon. I may have something for us though."

"Alright what is it?"

Wesley handed Angel the folder as he spoke.

"Within the past two months ten male prostitutes have been beaten, raped and strangled to death. Their body is then dumped in allies or a dumpster. The police have no leads and no witnesses have come forward. The other prostitutes in the area are not talking to the police. I thought seeing as it has been slow we could look into it."

Angel flipped through the folder as he spoke.

"Ten dead within two months isn't much of a cooling off period. The police believe they were all killed by the same person?"

"They do. It's the same hand size for the strangulation. It is a lot of violence. At first I thought maybe a vampire or demon did it, but there is no puncture marks or any distinct clue to point in that direction."

"If this is a human than he is large and angry to cause this much damage. Prostitutes won't speak to law enforcement, but they might talk to us. This guy needs to be caught before he kills anymore people. If it is a vampire or demon then we'll kill it. Is this all of the information you could find?"

"It is. I haven't called the police department to ask about it. Though with everything that has recently happened with Kate I wasn't sure if that was the best choice."

"No let's keep her out of this for now. She has enough to deal with and she won't like me being on the case. I'll head out and see what I can find. You stay here and answer the phones and do more research on the victims. See if there is anything in common with them. Maybe we can find out who the next target is." Angel said as he got up.

"On it."

Angel and Wesley headed out of his office. Wesley went over to the desk and began to work on trying to find the common denominator among the victims while Angel headed outside to go and speak to some of the other prostitutes to see if any of them could tell him something. Angel made his way down to the area. It was just after six at night so the sun had already set. Angel knew that the prostitutes would be out already and more would come out as the night went on. Angel figured he would ask some and then keep an eye out to see if there was anyone that struck him as dangerous or weird. They had been slow recently with the lack of visions, not that it was a bad thing it just meant that Angel had more time to patrol at night. He didn't mind investigating this, because it was violent and it could very well be a vampire or a demon doing these killings.

Angel arrived and began to ask a few of the nicer looking prostitutes if they had seen or heard anything about these killings, but they were all stonewalling him. Angel had no choice, but to stand back and watch to see if anyone caught his attention. Angel hated having to wait around, but he didn't have much of a choice tonight. He was hoping that Wesley and Cordelia would be able to find some kind of information on the victims that would tell them who the next victim could be. Angel stood in the shadow of the alley and just watched as the customers came and went. It wasn't until eleven when Angel saw someone he never expected to see. He instantly thought that this person was behind the killings and Angel could feel annoyance and rage filling his chest. He watched as Spike got out of a car and head over to the side of the street across from where Angel was hiding in the shadow. Angel could see Spike across the street, but he knew that Spike wouldn't be able to see him.

Angel could feel the rage in him at just the thought that Spike was here in the same city as him, especially after the last time he was here and tortured him by someone else's hands. Angel watched as Spike went over to an alley and leaned against the wall. Angel stormed over there and before Spike even looked his way Angel had punched him as hard as he could across the jaw and Spike staggered back and fell to the ground on his left side. Angel didn't give Spike the chance to recover as he picked Spike up by the front of his jacket and threw him into the alley. Spike landed hard on the ground on his right wrist and he felt it snap. His bones were weak from not feeding enough and just having pig's blood. Angel went and booted Spike in the chest and Spike knew his chest would be covered in bruises by morning. Angel grabbed Spike by his jacket again and punched him hard right on his nose and he smirked as he felt the satisfying crunch of the bones breaking.

"What are you doing in my town Spike?" Angel asked before he punched Spike in the face once again not even letting him answer.

Spike wasn't even fighting back. He didn't have the strength to. His body was trembling with the need of a fix and he hadn't eaten anything since this morning. He was working to make the money for the room tonight. Even if he did have the money for more blood the butcher's was ran by a demon that had heard about what he had done. He was only allowing Spike to have so any blood bags a week and he charged him three times the amount. Not to mention that most of the blood was only a day or two away from being expired. He was just too weak to fight back against Angel. After a few more good full hits to the face Angel stood up. He looked down and saw that Spike's face was covered in blood and it was then that Angel realised that Spike hadn't fought back or said a single word yet. He normally would have fought back and if he couldn't he would have said something to him. Angel took a good look at Spike and noticed the slight tremble in his body and from what he could see through Spike's jacket Spike seemed thinner. He watched as Spike tried to sit up and he was holding his right wrist to his chest. Spike only managed to get up on his knees and leaned against the wall. Angel could tell that Spike was really weak and the overpowering rage that had filled him at just the sight of Spike was quickly leaving him as his mind caught up to the situation. Spike left a customer's car. Spike was a prostitute just like the others on this block.

Angel couldn't help, but be shocked. Spike, William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers was a prostitute. Angel couldn't help, but be a little concerned as to why Spike would ever do this to himself. He never came across as the type to be this weak and desperate. He always had found a way to take care of himself and Drusilla for a century. Despite what Angel thought or felt about Spike he was always very good with money and with taking care of people. He was responsible and lived very much like a human did. Yet here he was turning tricks for strange human men. It didn't make any sense to him.

"Where are you staying Spike?" Angel demanded, but kept his voice calm.

"City Light Motel." Spike answered weakly.

"My car is around the corner. Can you get up?" Angel asked.

Spike just nodded. He knew it would be pointless to argue with Angel. Plus he knew he had blood on his face and he would be too injured to work the rest of the night. Spike was annoyed, because he needed the money from tonight. He had to pay his rent by the end of the week and the shitty motel was still twelve hundred a month. He couldn't find a cheaper one and he couldn't get an apartment because he didn't have any human papers and the demon community had thrown him out. He didn't have any choice, but to live in the rundown motel room. Spike used the wall and pushed himself up he was shaky on his feet, but he was used to that. It had been four hours since the last time he had shot up and he would need it within the next couple of hours before his body got real bad. Spike followed Angel out of the alley and down the street to where his car was. Angel didn't walk too fast and he made sure he stayed by Spike's side in case his legs gave out. Angel wasn't sure what was going on right now, but he was feeling bad about the beating he gave Spike. It wasn't that he didn't deserve it after what he did the last time he was in L.A, but still it was clear the last thing Spike needed was a beating.

They arrived at Angel's car and they both got in. Angel saw that Spike got in very carefully and it hurt a bit to sit down. Angel started the car and headed for the shitty rundown motel. He could smell the different men all over Spike and he found it overwhelming. They didn't say anything as they drove to the motel. Angel just couldn't figure out what was going on with Spike. He couldn't see a reason why Spike would be doing anything like this. At first he thought maybe it was Spike behind all of the killings, but he knew that Spike would have just drained them and not beaten and raped them. He was never into that. He always wanted a fair fight and a quick kill. He never raped anyone or killed anyone really young. He always said there was no sport to it. Angel was hoping that Spike might know something and be more willing to talk to him. If nothing else he knew he could always pay Spike to talk.

Once they arrived at the motel and parked they got out and Angel followed Spike to where his room was. It was the last one on the corner and once there Spike got his key out and opened the door. It was rented out by Spike so Angel didn't even need an invitation. He just walked inside right after Spike. Angel immediately noticed that it was hot in here. He could hear the heat on and it surprised him, because vampires don't really feel the temperatures. Spike seemed to really enjoy the heat in the room though and that had him even more concerned. Spike removed his jacket and went into the bathroom to clean the blood off his face. Angel looked around and noticed the double bed that looked ten years old with a few springs sticking out of the side of it. He saw the small old TV sitting on a shelf. There was no dresser and Spike had his clothes piled on a chair. Angel then saw the rickety old bedside table and what was on it. He went over and picked up the little baggie of the heroin and he couldn't believe it. Spike was using heroin something he had never done before. Sure Spike could drink like a fish, but he never touched drugs ever. Angel put it back down and went over to the small fridge in the room. He opened it and saw that there were two packages of blood. He grabbed one and saw that it expired two days ago. Angel grabbed the other one and saw the same thing. He also didn't see a microwave in here either. So Spike was drinking cold and expired blood it seemed. Angel put the blood back in the fridge and went over to the small bathroom where Spike was.

Angel leaned against the door frame and saw Spike using an old cloth to wipe off the blood. Angel could see his hands trembling and he could see just how thin Spike truly was without his duster on. Angel noticed that Spike's right wrist was broken from the fall and that should never have happened.

"Your blood expired two days ago. Why are you drinking expired blood?" Angel asked calmly.

"Better than no blood." Spike said with emptiness to his voice.

"Why haven't you bought fresh?" Angel asked.

Spike let out a shaky breath and put the cloth down once he rinsed it out.

"Doesn't matter. I need a shower." Spike said with emptiness to his voice once again.

"Shower, but I'll be here when you get out. We need to talk Spike and I'm not leaving without answers." Angel warned.

Spike just gave a small nod. Angel left so Spike could close the bathroom door and take a shower. Angel figured he would head over to the butcher's real quick to get Spike some fresh blood before Spike got out of the shower. He headed out and got into his car and made the short drive to the butchers. Angel just couldn't figure out what was going on with Spike. None of it made any sense and he wasn't going to leave Spike until he got those answers. He looked horrible and it wasn't just from the beating he took. If he had been feeding properly then he wouldn't have gotten that injured from a few punches and a fall. Something was going on and something devastating happened to him to make Spike act this way. There was no reason that Angel could think of that would have Spike selling himself and doing heroin. Even if Drusilla dumped him he wouldn't have sunk this low. He would have been trying to get her back so that couldn't have been it. Angel didn't know what was going on, but he was going to find out.

Once Angel got the blood he headed back to the motel and went into the room. He could hear the water still running and he knew Spike was still in the shower. Angel put the warm blood into the fridge, except for one package. He opened it and poured it into a mug. He then leaned back against the wall and waited for when Spike would be out. Ten minutes later Spike came out of the bathroom in some black sleep pants and a clean black t-shirt. He could see him shivering despite the heat in the room. Angel knew it was from his body being weak and the drugs in his system. He could see that his skin was rubbed red and raw.

"There's fresh blood." Angel said as he nodded to the mug sitting on top of the fridge.

Spike slowly went over to the mug and slowly picked it up with his left hand. He took it and went over to the bed and sat down on it. He sat back against the wall and brought his legs up close to his chest as he could without hurting himself. He took a small drink of the fresh warm blood. Angel went over and sat down on the other end of the bed facing Spike. Spike kept his eyes down so he wouldn't have to look at Angel and see the disgust on his face.

"Spike, look at me." Angel said with a gentle order.

Spike slowly raised his eyes so he was looking at Angel now and he was shocked to see no judgement or disgust on his face. He could see the confusion and even more shocking slight concern in his eyes.

"What happened?" Angel asked gently.

"Why do you care?" Spike asked with no anger or emotion to his voice.

"Because whether I like it or not you are family. And as much as I would love to string you up and torture you back for what you did to me almost eight months go. I also know that the torture ratio is still a hundred to one and not in your favor. I tortured you on and off again for decades and you only did it once. I had it coming eventually from you so I'm letting it go. I'm sorry about earlier I should have controlled my anger better. We're family and something has obviously happened to make you sell yourself out and become addicted to heroin. What the hell happened to you Spike?" Angel asked with genuine concern and curiosity.

Spike let out a shaky breath before he decided to speak about this for the very first time.

"When I got back to Sunnyhell I found the Slayer. I was watching her fight. I went back to kill her. I didn't even sense them. I was distracted watching her fight. It was a stupid mistake. I got too comfortable in that town. It was a fledge mistake." Spike said with self-hate in his voice.

"It happens all the time Spike. I do it all the time. You get used to an area and you let your surroundings go. We all do it. You can't be mad at yourself for that. Who was there?" Angel asked gently.

"I was tased from behind. When I woke up I was in some lab. Strapped down to this metal table and they were cutting into my head. They didn't numb it or give me anything for the pain. I could feel everything they were doing to me. I could feel their hands in my head poking and prodding. They stuck something in there it hurt a lot. They knocked me out when they were finished and I woke up in this white cell with a glass door. I tried to break it, but it was electrified."

"Ok hang on, do you know what they put in your head? Who were they?" Angel asked trying to get all the vital facts.

"They called themselves the Initiative. I wasn't the only vamp there. They had over a hundred cells all full of vamps and demons. Most of the demons they weren't even dangerous. Just innocent and peaceful demons they captured. They were all human Angel, every single one of them in that place, running that place were humans. They stuck this modification chip in my head, in all of the demon and vamps heads. It makes it so you can't hurt a human or even think about hurting one. If you do then it shocks your brain all throughout and it causes this extreme headache that you still feel hours later and that's just from a punch. The harder you hit the worse it gets. I bumped into someone and it was strong enough to bring me down to my knees and that was just bumping into a human. I can't even throw a punch at them without it hurtin' even if it doesn't hit them it shocks my head." Spike said with hurt to his voice.

"You can't feed or defend yourself against a human. That's why you're getting blood from the butchers. That doesn't explain why you're selling yourself though or the heroin Spike. How long were you in there for?" Angel asked keeping his voice as calm as possible.

"Six weeks. It felt like longer. The Powers that Be's karma I guess. I get someone to torture you for a few hours and then I spent six weeks getting tortured. Not that I didn't deserve it after all of the pain I've caused in the past century. Don't have any right to complain." Spike said sadly.

"You didn't deserve to be tortured for six weeks Spike. How did you get out?" Angel asked patiently.

"I escaped. One of the demons they had just brought in woke up faster than they thought. He started to attack everyone and the cells were released. We all fled I made it to an air duct and I got out. I was the only one who did. I ran to where my car was and I just drove. I got to L.A just before sunrise. I had to get blood into me so I broke into a blood bank and hid in my car. I wasn't plannin' on staying, but I was broke so I sold my car to buy blood and a place to stay. Kept tellin' myself I was gonna leave, but it's been six months and I'm still here." Spike explained.

"Why didn't you go to Buffy with this? She would have helped."

"One of the soldier blokes smelt like her. He was covered in her scent. I couldn't trust that she didn't know about it. They were gonna come after me I had to get out." Spike said with slight fear to his voice.

Angel noticed that Spike's mouth was starting to bleed.

"Your mouth is bleeding." Angel said with concern.

"Oh it's fine it happens." Spike said as he brought his left hand up to his mouth.

"Why does your mouth bleed?"

Spike drank the last of the blood in the mug before he put it down on the bedside table. He let out a shaky breath and Angel knew it was a painful moment for him.

"You've never talked about this before." Angel simply stated.

Spike slowly shook his head no. Everything about Spike right now was reminding Angel about how Spike was as William, a human. Something Angel hadn't seen in close to a century.

"Tell me what happened. Tell me the story my boy."

That caught Spike's attention. Angel hadn't called him that in over eight decades. The look in his eyes was sincere, he truly did want to know what things had been done to him. It wasn't meant as a cruelty to force him to relive it. It was meant to help him. It was meant so Spike could share that pain with someone. Spike took in a shaky breath. His body was trembling more now as it had been even longer since he had last used. He knew he couldn't do any with Angel here though so he had no choice, but to wait. After a moment Spike finally spoke.

"The next time I woke up, the next day I guess. I was back on the table. They strapped me down and they had some device in my mouth to keep it open. They pulled my fangs out. They wanted to run tests on them. A few weeks later they started to grow back and they did it again. They poured acid in my mouth to stop them from growing back. My gums keep bleeding and it hurts all the time. They just started to grow back."

"Let me see. Open your mouth." Angel said gently.

Spike slowly opened his mouth and Angel put his hands on either side of Spike's face and gently tilted his head back so he could get a better look. His gums were all red and he could see the small amount of teeth just barely through his gums. He leaned back and removed his hands and Spike closed his mouth again as Angel spoke.

"It's going to take a long time before your mouth is healed especially with drinking pig's blood and expired blood."

"Don't have much of a choice."

"Why are you getting blood that's expired or almost expired?"

"The demon community kicked me out. Even before I got out new demons came in and they made sure they told me. It's why I couldn't find an apartment through one of the demons. The butcher is a demon and he will only let me buy ten packages of a blood a week at three times the price. It's normally close to expired or already expired."

"Why though? Why has the community thrown you out? It's not your fault you got that chip in your head." Angel asked confused he had a soul and the demon community hadn't kicked him out.

"They would chain us up and bring us down to this pit. They would stand up top and record it, write notes. The chains would be released and we had to fight to the death."

"That's not your fault though Spike." Angel said gently.

"They were innocent. Thirty-eight fights over those six weeks and I only ever fought one vamp the rest were harmless demons. Some I knew from fighting beside them. Some I've stayed with. A few I've been there when they were born, I watched them grow up and I killed them." Spike said with hurt and guilt in his voice.

"You didn't have a choice Spike. They would have killed you." Angel said gently.

"That's not why I killed them. I would have let them kill me, but what would have happened to them? They were taking the harmless demons and chaining them down in a cell and letting one of the violent demons in there to rape them just so they could watch and see how it would affect the demon. I couldn't let them go through that. To be experimented on, tortured."

"So you killed them to keep them away from that pain. I'm assuming these soldiers talk outside and a demon over heard them. That's how you got kicked out of the community." Angel said in understanding.

"I didn't know what to do. It seemed cruel to leave them alive. To be trapped there and tortured until they eventually died. I did it quick so they wouldn't feel it. They figured out what I was doing though and they started experimenting on me even more. I would spend days strapped down to that table. They cut me open and removed everything but my heart. They left me there open so they could watch to see how long it would take to grow back the organs. They cut my arm off from the shoulder down then reattached it to see if it would grow function again. The whole time I was there they kept injected me with heroin. They wanted to see if vamps could get addicted and how it would affect them. Now it's been six months and I can't stop. I don't want to stop." Spike admitted.

"Why don't you want to stop? You shouldn't be doing this. You don't deserve this life."

"I do deserve this. This is my life now I've accepted it. After everything I've done I deserve this." Spike said with guilt and hurt in his voice as his trembling picked up.

"What happened in there was not your fault. Those humans did those things to you. Those humans made you do those things. That is on them. Those deaths are on them not you." Angel said with strength in his voice.

"It doesn't matter. They died by my hands. Just like thousands of others have. I deserved what happened to me. I deserve this." Spike said with a great deal of emotional pain in his voice.

"They really did a number on you. I feel like I'm looking and talking to William. That shy, hurt and insecure young man that took shit from everyone. You don't deserve this my boy. You are better than this. You have the chance to live up to your potential. You can fight demons with that chip so come work for me. Get out of this life. You can get off the heroin and get healthy again. You can stay with me and I can help you get a place of your own when you are ready. You don't deserve this." Angel said with strength to his voice.

"Yes I do. This is my life now I've accepted it. Just forget about me and move on. I'm not worth your time." Spike said sadly and Angel knew he meant every word.

"I'm not giving up on you my boy. I've always seen something in you. When I was evil it was the chance to have a male by my side hunting and killing with me. Now it's the chance that you have to truly be what you could have been if Angelus never got his fangs into you. I'm not giving up on you. I can't make you leave no matter how much I wish you would. Maybe you could help me out though."

"How?"

"I'm looking for the person that has been killing the male prostitutes in this area. Have you noticed anything or anyone?"

"A lot of faces come and go around here. I'm the only vamp or demon. Customers are all human. Didn't know anyone had been killed."

"Ten guys all within the last two months. They were all beaten, raped and strangled to death. Have you had any that maybe liked it too rough?"

"Had a few that like it rough, but nothin' extreme."

"Ever see anyone lurking around maybe?"

"Lots of blokes do. Some don't get the guts up to come and approach. No one ever smelt dangerous or nuthin' just horny men."

"I've tried asking around, but no one will talk to me. Maybe you can ask around and see if anyone has anything to say to you and let me know?"

"Sure"

Angel pulled out his wallet and took out a business card and placed it down on the bedside table.

"That's my card. I'll come by in a couple of days if you hear anything before that let me know. The office address is on it I live below the office. The door is always open to you my boy. I really hope you use it."

Spike just gave a small nod and Angel knew that he probably wouldn't be seeing Spike there any time soon. Angel would be back in a couple of days though with fresh blood and to check in on Spike. He didn't like that he was doing this, but he also knew he couldn't force Spike to leave and quit the heroin. Spike had to decide that for himself.

"Are you healed physically from the Initiative?" Angel asked.

"Still missin' a few parts. Slow growin' without proper blood. Bones are weak and brittle." Spike said with a shrug.

"You need proper blood. I got you enough packages to last you a couple of days. I'll bring some more by when I come back in a two days. Try and feed as much as you can so your body is healed. You also need sleep. When was the last time you got any decent sleep?"

"Almost eight months ago."

"You need to try and get some sleep. It'll help your head trust me on that. Sleep is very important and you desperately need it."

"I'll try." Spike said and they both knew he didn't truly have any intensions of doing just that.

"I'll come by and check in on you in two days. Try and just rest up and drink as much blood as you can. Your body needs to heal." Angel said as he got up from the bed.

Spike just gave a small nod and Angel couldn't help, but feel like he was just saying what he needed to say so Angel would leave him alone. It hurt a lot to see Spike like this. Angel had always seen Spike strong and stubborn. Even when he was first sired and Angelus was torturing him to be able to handle pain or a punishment, Spike always stood his ground and refused to break. Seeing Spike like this and knowing that humans did this to him hurt a great deal to Angel and his demon. Angel didn't know who was running this Initiative, but he was going to find out more information on it to see just what the hell was going on. He didn't like that this had been done to his Childe. He didn't Sire Spike himself, but he did train him and take him under his wing when Drusilla had neglected him and was too unstable to be able to properly show Spike how to be a vampire. Spike was his demon's Childe and his demon was roaring with rage at the injustice that his Childe had gone through. Angel was going to find out just what the hell was going on in Sunnydale with this new government lab.

"Be careful out there. Someone is killing these men. Be safe Spike."

"I will. If I hear anything I'll let you know."

"I appreciate it. I'll see you in a couple of days Spike." Angel said calmly before he turned and headed out of the room.

Angel headed over to his car and he got in it. He sat there for a moment just looking at the room door where Spike was just on the other side. He wished he had been able to convince Spike to come with him back to his place. He didn't like that Spike was doing drugs and he didn't like that his body was so weak and injured. Now more injured thanks to his own anger. Angel should have paid more attention and noticed that Spike wasn't fighting back or even talking back. That should have been his first clue that something was wrong. Even when getting a beating Spike always had a smirk on his face and something smart ass to say. He never just laid there and took it. Angel hated that he couldn't get Spike to go back with him to his place, but he also knew he couldn't force him. He was going through something that Angel didn't really know anything about. He had never been in Spike's position before so he couldn't say he understood how he felt. All Angel could do right now was keep an eye on Spike and find out everything he could on this Initiative and on the man killing these prostitutes. Angel started his car and headed back to his place.

Once he arrived at the office he parked his car in the usual parking space and he headed inside. He saw Wesley sitting at the desk going through the computer. He looked up when he heard the door opening.

"Ah Angel you're finally back. How was it?"

"Where's Cordelia?" Angel asked as he closed the door, realising for the first time how late it is.

"I told her to go home a couple of hours ago. Her mouth was hurting her a fair bit. She has an infection in her tooth so she will be in a bit of pain until the anti-biotic begins to take effect in her body. Did something happen?" Wesley asked with concern.

"Nothing about this case. I didn't see anyone suspicious and I didn't notice any vamps or demons."

"Yet something is bothering you and I highly doubt it is not from having no action all night. What is it?" Wesley asked calmly.

Angel let out a sigh before he spoke as he paced around slowly.

"I saw Spike."

"Spike? What is he doing back in L.A? I would have figured what happened the last time would have been enough to keep him away. He must have known had you found out you would have come after him." Wesley said confused.

"He's been here for six months. And I did kick his ass, but I regret that now. He's been prostituting Wes. He's thin and malnourished. He's addicted to heroin. He's completely destroyed." Angel said with anger and hurt mixed into his voice.

"From what? How is that even possible? This is Spike we are talking about, William the Bloody. Killed two Slayers would have killed a third if he had focused on killing Buffy and not just dancing around. How did he become addicted to heroin and selling himself?" Wesley asked now very confused.

"Two weeks after he left here almost eight months ago he was in Sunnydale when he got hit by a taser. When he woke up he was in some Government lab called the Initiative. They tortured him Wes for six weeks. They put a microchip in his head while he was strapped down and awake for it. He could feel everything they were doing to him. This microchip makes it so that his brain gets shocked every time he hurts a human or tries to. He can't even bump into someone without setting it off. He couldn't fight back even if he wasn't strapped down. They cut him out and removed his organs except his heart. They made him fight other innocent demons, some that he had seen being born. He had to kill them. They gave him heroin to see if vampires could become addicted to it. He was tortured horribly for six weeks while they called it experiments."

"What? This is happening in Sunnydale? How did he escape? Did they let him go?"

"He got out when a demon was attacking the place. He got out and found his car and just took off. He wasn't going to stay here, but it was the first city before sunrise. He got some blood and slept in his car. He decided to stay here, he sold his car to get a room at City Light Motel. He was badly injured and weak plus he was going through heroin withdrawals. He sold the only thing he had left and he got heroin and blood. He's been doing it for six months now. He's in bad shape Wes. He's thin and he's weak, he's really weak."

"Shouldn't the demon community be helping him? From what I have read about Spike the demon community welcomed him with open arms. He was a member to many demon families. Why hasn't he reached out to any of them?"

"The demon community kicked him out. It happened before he even made it out of the lab. They found out he had been killing other demons inside and they kicked him out. The butchers by the motel is a demon and he refuses to give Spike blood that isn't already expired or a day or two away from expiring. He sells it to him at three times the price and he's only allowed ten packages a week. Between that and the heroin his body is barely healing and it's taking a long time. I got him some fresh blood tonight and I'll go back in two days to get him more."

"It's not his fault though that he had to kill other demons. It was a kill or be killed situation. You kill other demons and vampires and yet you have not been kicked out." Wesley said confused.

"It was kill or be killed and it's not his fault. He believes it is and that's what is screwing with his mind the most. The fact that these demons were innocent and harmless. He knew their families, he knew some from the time they were born and he had to kill them. But he didn't do it to save himself he did it because he didn't want them to be tortured anymore. He saw from his cell that they would take innocent demons and strap them down and lock one of violent demons in there with the other demon. The demon would be raped and torn apart all while these humans were watching to see how the innocent demon would be able to handle it. He couldn't let that happen to any of those demons he was forced to fight. So he killed them quickly and as painlessly as possible. The demon community doesn't know that though, they just know he killed them. The demon community knows I kill other vamps and demons, but they are dangerous and not harmless so they leave me alone."

"That still doesn't make it his fault. He was saving them from torture and endless pain. He was trying to help them the only way he could. He shouldn't be punished for that."

"I know, but he is. He's fought wars beside some of these demon clans Wes. They should have known he would never put their life before his. Now he's on his own and he can't even defend himself against a human without unbearable pain shocking his whole head. He's barely slept in the past eight months. Even when I was attacking him he didn't even fight back he just laid there on the cement taking it. He didn't make a single smart mouth comment, nothing. He's been broken something that even Angelus couldn't do during his worst day. He's all alone now, Drusilla even left him last year. I tried to get him to come back here with me and stay with me, but he says he deserves this life. He believes he deserves this pain and feeling like this after what he's done." Angel said with hurt.

"He sounds like he has survivor's guilt. The lack of sleep and the heroin will only make that worse. He's not just going to willingly give this up. Someone needs to convince him that he doesn't deserve this life and he is better than it. He can still obviously fight demons he could have a life with purpose and meaning still."

"I know he could. He's always had potential in him to be good. He's always had morals and code that he lived by. He didn't torture people and he didn't attack children. He has always been one for clean kills and a good fight. With encouragement he could be one of the good guys and enjoy it. It's in him to be that person, I've always seen it in him. Talking to him in that room tonight Wes reminded me of William, who he was when he was human. This shy, unconfident and timid man. He can't do this alone he needs help and he needs someone there for him."

"I'm assuming you will be." Wesley said calmly.

"How can I not be? Me and Spike don't really like each other or get along, but that's not because of mutual hatred. He doesn't actually hate me he's just hurt by me and what Angelus has done to him over the century that Spike has been around. He has every right to be hurt and pissed off with me. As pissed as I was when he hired that vamp to torture me I can't really say I blame him. He has someone torture me once compared to the hundreds of times Angelus tortured him for days on end. If you had to be around and see the face of the man that spent decades torturing you on different levels you would be pissed off and hurt too."

"That explains why he doesn't like you, but not the other way around." Wesley said gently.

"He is a loud and obnoxious reminder of how evil Angelus was. Some of the most evil things I have ever done I did to him and he didn't deserve any of it. He didn't do anything wrong to cause that much violence and pain. What angered my demon so much was the fact that Spike came out of the ground still with his human emotions. He still loved passionately. After feeding he went home to his sick and dying mother. He sired her to save her and make her healthy again. He had no idea that the demon would change her. It didn't change him, Angelus changed him. If Angelus had left him alone he would never have been that much of a killer. He would have probably bagged it and continued living his life. Angelus couldn't stand that he could be so normal and human, it didn't live up to our family name. So Angelus tortured him endlessly and violently. Did everything the demon could do to make Spike's demon come out into the forefront and leave the human in the background. Even after all of the torture Angelus put him through he still had his human emotions. Seeing Spike reminds me of everything I did to him. I made William the Bloody. His kills are on me, because he wouldn't have been like that hadn't Angelus left him alone. That guilt just turns to this hatred whenever I see him and he knows it."

"That is not his fault though Angel and it's not yours. You are not Angelus anymore and you need to accept that just as he does. As much as it may pain you, you need to discuss this with him and burry the hatchet. I don't particularly like Spike, quite honestly he terrifies me to my core, but he is now on our side potentially. He can harm demons and he is a Master Vampire that is very powerful. He would be good to have on our team even just as a backup in case something horrible comes across our door. You need to do this for yourself as well. You cannot keep carrying all of this guilt with you everywhere. You can't apologise to your victims for what you have done, but you can with Spike. You have the chance to make it right with him and help resolve that guilt you feel towards him. I think now he needs that more than ever. He is dealing with his own guilt and that is something you can help him with. He may need you now more than he ever has before." Wesley said calmly.

"He does need me, he needs someone right now and it should be me. You're right Wes I do need to talk to him and sort this out with him. I asked him about the killings, but he didn't know anything. He said he would keep an eye out and ask around. We need to try and find out who is killing these prostitutes, we also need to find out everything we can on this Initiative. I asked why he didn't go to Buffy and he said that the one soldier smelt like her. He couldn't trust that she didn't have some part in it."

"Buffy would never do that and Giles would never allow it. Perhaps she is dating him or he is in her classes."

"Possible. We need to find out everything we can and shut them down."

"I'll get right on it and see what I can find. You may need to go down to Sunnydale and speak to Buffy about it. They might have been noticing a difference with the vampire and demon population."

"I'll see what we find first before I do that. I want as much information as I can get before I go down there. I'm going to see Spike again in two days hopefully he might have something for me about these killings. I need to try and get him to quit the heroin and come back here with me. So far he doesn't want to quit using and I can't force him. He's had enough forced on him he doesn't need me doing it as well."

"No I would agree that he has to quit on his own accord. If you force him it won't last and he will eventually go back to using. It has to be his decision as frustrating as that may be for you. Go and see him in two days and see if he has slept at all and is in a better mind set. Talking to you about it may have helped him to relieve some guilt. All you ca do is keep trying and being there for him I'm afraid until he is willing to quit using."

"Hopefully I can get him to see that there is a purpose out there for him. I'll keep checking in on him every couple of days and bring him blood, he needs to eat more to get healthy. He said there are still organs missing that haven't even grown back yet. He needs to eat properly in order to heal and feel stronger. Maybe feeling stronger will help with his mindset. For now let's do as much research as we can on both cases and see what we can find."

"I'll get right on it and I will update Cordelia tomorrow."

"Thanks Wes."

"It's no trouble. I shall get out of here for tonight now that you have returned safely. I will see you tomorrow boss." Wesley said with a friendly smile.

"See you tomorrow Wes, be safe getting home."

"Always and we will figure out what has happened to these men and with this Initiative. I am confident with your help Spike will find his way." Wesley said comfortingly as he stood and put on his coat.

"I hope so. See you tomorrow Wesley."

"See you tomorrow Angel." Wesley said with a smile as he headed out of the office.

Angel locked the door behind Wesley and turned off the lights before he went to the stairs and headed down them to his apartment. Once there he went and got some blood for himself as his mind went over everything that Spike had told him that night. He still couldn't believe that Spike was so broken, Angel never thought he would ever see the day when Spike was just completely destroyed. Angel found himself hating that fact and he wanted nothing more than to make Spike feel better and safe. Angel didn't know why he cared about Spike, but he figured that deep down he always did care about him. Spike always was more human than he should have been and as Angelus he hated that, but as Angel he found that he could be impressed by it. Spike was a rare breed of vampire and that was very clear in the fact that he could love and be so happy with life. Spike never really lived until he died and now he had been through so much pain that Angel had no idea how he didn't completely break before all of this. Spike had a deep strength to him that Angel knew was there when he was human, Spike just never realised it. Angel was going to help Spike and make sure he got back on track. He would be there for him to help him get passed this and on a new road where he could live up to his potential. Angel wasn't going to give up on Spike, not this time. He could be what Spike had always needed a true Sire. Someone in his corner to get him through the darkness. Wesley was right he couldn't apologise or make up for the deaths of his victims, but he could with Spike and he wasn't going to let this opportunity pass him by. He was going to get Spike back to being healthy and in a good place. Angel didn't care how long it would take he was going to get Spike back on his feet. He wasn't going to abandon him this time around no matter what. With that thought in mind Angel drank his blood and then went to bed himself so he could be up in the morning and doing his own research on this Initiative himself.


	2. Follow Me- Update

Hello there!

I have begun a collection of new books for all ages from children's picture books to adult series that are being published online. You can connect with me and find out more information through my social media pages. I am working on finishing my novel called Satanic Inferno. It will be published through Kobo on March 1st, 2017. Check out my Facebook page for more information and a 10% discount code for the first few days of the release.

You have all followed me on Fanfiction and I am hoping you will continue to follow me now that I have transitioned into writing and publishing my own novels. But fear not I am still going to be working on Fanfiction and finishing all of my stories. I'm not going anywhere in that sense. All support would be greatly appreciated.

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